5 things Bob Doolally is looking out for during the World Cup 2014
Featuring Budweiser adverts, Alan Shearer dullness and gratuitous mentions of 1966
1 First gratuitous mentioning of 1966
Probably before kick-off of England’s first game, but possibly earlier than that. There’s a good chance Clive Tyldesley could slip it into his commentary of Mexico v Cameroon. There’s also bound to be a conversation about goal-line technology. Don’t expect any mention of 1966 then.
2 Budweiser adverts
‘The Official Beer of the World Cup’. Why are sports tournaments and arts festivals always sponsored by shit drinks no one would let pass their lips? Who sponsors the Edinburgh Comedy Awards? Foster's. I rest my case.
3 Better Together warning that a Yes vote may mean Scotland don’t qualify for the 2018 World Cup
This is actually much less ridiculous than some of the things that the No campaign have actually claimed in the run-up to the referendum. If Scotland votes no, we won’t qualify for the 2018 World Cup either. That’s a shame as that one is in Russia, a cold country largely populated by morose alcoholics. I reckon that would suit us. I bet we do qualify for 2022 in Qatar and the Tartan Army have to withstand 50C heat in a country where you can’t get booze.
4 Some idiot in the crowd with a drum bigger than himself
And I bet he won’t be Brazilian, which means he must have brought it with him on the plane. How did he get that through security?
5 One of your mates falling asleep during Alan Shearer’s half-time summary
He’s boring enough, without matches starting at midnight because of the time difference. Also, I reckon, it will only take former Scotland defender Alan Hansen five minutes into the first game to refer to England as ‘us’. Thankfully, he won’t be getting a vote in the referendum.
Bob Doolally’s Comedy World Cup Countdown, The Stand, Edinburgh, Sun 8 Jun; The Stand, Glasgow, Mon 9 Jun.