Hot 100 2012: Daniel Sloss’ predictions for 2013

The Fife-born comedian - #89 in the Hot 100 2012 - looks into his crystal ball for 2013's big events

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Hot 100 2012: Daniel Sloss’ predictions for 2013

Photo: Trudie Stade

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[1] I predict that Kate Middleton is going to have a child. Some might call it a sixth sense. It will split Britain into two types of people: those who care about the child massively and are always talking about the child, and those who don’t care about the child but still talk about the child. It would be good if it was a girl as I reckon they’d call it Diana and then there’ll be a huge controversy and people will hate the baby for having the same name as a dead person.

[2] The world is absolutely not going to end, at all, in any way, shape or form. And anyone who thinks so is an idiot. It won’t end in my lifetime, unless I come up with a particularly diabolical plan.

[3] The next manager of the Scotland football team will be Gordon Strachan and I reckon, as always, it won’t change and we’ll still be crap and he’ll get fired in two years.

[4] I’ll spend the year single, just because I prefer it and I travel a lot. Next year I’m off to New Zealand, Australia, New York, LA, Canada, Sweden, Norway, France. My best friend has recently got into a relationship and he’s very happy and she’s great, but just seeing people in couples makes me angry.

[5] In the world of comedy, there will be another DVD and another Fringe show from me, and somewhere down the line a comedian is going to say something that everyone is going to take out of context. There will be more morons getting offended by things that didn’t affect them, that they weren’t near and had nothing to do with them and they’re going to sit and complain. And then a bunch of scientists will be in the news to analyse whether we should be offended or not because god forbid we should form our own views.

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