Ewan Morrison - Tales from the Mall extract

Ewan Morrison - Tales from the Mall extract

A short snippet from Early Learning Centre, one of 22 short stories collected in Tales from the Mall

To celebrate the fact that Cargo Crate has signed up Ewan Morrison’s print and digital mega-project, Tales From The Mall, The List offer you a sneak peak with an excerpt from the one of the 22 stories, Early Learning Centre

One thing disturbed Les about her job in demographics: her workbook said there were 82 types of person in the world. Only 82. In her twenties she decided to prove this wrong and went through an ‘excited and dizzying’ period, dating many people from different places, in the search for someone, like herself, who didn’t fit any of the boxes. There was Taz (type F35), Shena (A8), and Flack (G42). She slummed it with immigrants and had a brief ‘amore’ with a ‘Symbols of Success / Global Connector’ who, with his pied-a-terre penthouses in several countries, BMWs, and share portfolios was a complete caricature of the Type A1 slash 2 that he aspired to be. But he’d kept an old Play-Doh model of Kermit he’d made when he was four, and Les found that redemptive. For a while.

Her ability to empathise with and adapt to other people was unique. Her faces and moods, like her wardrobe, changed weekly, if not daily. Flared jeans for one date, an Armani suit jacket for the next; a D&G dress for one, then Nikes and slacks for another. And when she talked to people from different backgrounds, although she did not like to admit this to herself, her market research experience helped in discussing the things they liked. She knew, for example, that E34’s used Ecover washing powder and supported Greenpeace, and that F41’s liked Star Trek: The Next Generation and read Harry Potter even though they didn’t have kids. It wasn’t that she was two-faced; if anything she was 82-faced, or 34-faced, that being the number of lovers she had in her twenties, as was fairly normal for people of her demographic type at this point in time.


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