Kylie Minogue - Aphrodite (3 stars)

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This article is from 2010.

Kylie Minogue - All the Lovers


There is so much goodwill aimed in the direction of the Antipodean pop princess, she is permitted to release an average album every so often. And Aphrodite is an extremely average album.

It starts brightly enough with the title single, a dancefloor diva’s bread and butter slathered with cheesy synths and driven by that thumping metronomic beat that has become her signature. They won’t be throwing her out of G.A.Y weeping into her P45 anytime soon.

‘Get Outta My Way’ is a feisty song about a former lover whose attempts to wheedle his way back into her life have been firmly repelled by one of those jerky dance moves, but ‘Put Your Hands Up (If You Feel Love)’ is such a half-hearted attempt to enthuse a crowd, you wonder if she wrote sitting in front of the television in her pyjamas watching Songs of Praise. It’s also one of those songs in which Kylie insists on singing all the vocal parts – a kind of creepy pop tune equivalent of the multiplying Oompa Loompas scene in the remake of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.

The middle section is completely forgettable, a run of filler songs aimed straight at the dancefloor, each one pinned by that frankly now tedious beat, a relentless reminder that when Kylie can’t really be bothered to come up with a decent tune at least she can dance. It’s not dreadful; it’s just not the inspired, edgy pop we’ve come to expect from Miss Minogue.

This article is from 2010.

Kylie Minogue

Pop behemoth Ms Minogue.

Royal Albert Hall, London SW7

Fri 9 Dec

Main Auditorium

prices vary / 020 7589 8212

A Kylie Christmas

Sat 10 Dec

Main Auditorium

prices vary / 020 7589 8212

A Kylie Christmas


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1. Aussieboy24 Jun 2010, 1:50pm Report

Firstly - You need to get some facts straight!

kylies new album is called "Aphrodite" not "All the lovers"

"All the lovers" is just the first single to be lifted from this album! Not the album title!

Secondly - The picture you posted on this page is over three years old and was from the album "X" speacial release tour addition! Why could you not even post the actual cover for the current "Aphrodite" cover? That's not very professional!

Thirdly - This is unacceptable for a formal critique, one more shame for the kind of critics: Clueless of what Kylie, her music and what this album is about. Kylie will be the one laughing all the way to the bank over the next few months as this album sells millions across the globe despite what some >professional< "critics" think!

We might have as well just asked the opinion of a passer-by and release it, instead of paying someone like this for this unprofessional kind of sh*t.

2. Aussieboy24 Jun 2010, 5:21pm Report

Oh gee

good to see you finally updated your information and posted the right album cover now / good work!

3. Standing Here With You25 Jun 2010, 5:54am Report

You know I have been a huge Kylie fan since the beginning and pretty much know the whole back catalogue inside out, have every single and know the lyrics to every single song.
I have only yet heard the standard snippets from each track and I have to say this review of the album is pretty matter of fact.
It had those same tedious (and I love this line ) 'thumping metronomic beat that has become her signature'.
I love her and I love 'All the Lover'.
But come on Kylie, we had been promised an amazing body of work liked to Confessions on a Dance floor.
I get the feeling there are a number of people stroking Mini's ego and telling her all her songs are great! And no they don't all sound the same at all. It feels like an album of B sides, maybe she could have given the track for little Sis Dannii to record for her next album? just a thought.

4. Standing Here With You25 Jun 2010, 5:58am Report

Oh, and that's not to say that I wont be dancing around the room to these tunes! And get to know every single word in time!
'Cause that's what every good Kylie fan will do !!

5. dazzasayshi25 Jun 2010, 10:04am5 stars Kylie Minogue - Aphrodite Report

I must admit your review made me smile as to how wildly inaccurate your overall review was...lets get this straight this is a total return to form for kylie and her best album for years..

I have been lucky to hear it all in full now and it has at least 5 or 6 potential singles with no real fillers and next rumoured single 'Get out of my way' her best track in years ....public opinion will be the judge not some 'critic' who obviously just wants to cause a 'stir' ..kylie fans will love it and quite frankly thats all that matters

6. dreamMaker,heartBreaker8 Jul 2010, 6:11am5 stars Kylie Minogue - Aphrodite Report

This is just bad writing.

Since the release of Aphrodite, I've been scouring the net for reviews both negative and positive. Most of the reviews are favorable. There are critics who felt the album is indeed a reworked version of Kylie's best pop tunes, though inimical, it's part true and were delivered with civility.

It is true the album focuses on the artist's pop-disco persona. If you only look at it from that point of view, you will appreciate the album's composure and integrity. There are weak spots but to say that it is a " relentless reminder that when Kylie can’t really be bothered to come up with a decent tune at least she can dance" - is just vapid review and downright antipathetic.

To write a review, means you evaluate a piece of work. To be a critic means to judge based on known comparisons or the lack thereof.

To senselessly diss, well, penning this review is such a great example of that.

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