First word - Shazia Mirza
Award-winning comedian Shazia Mirza talks Lady Di haircuts, Rick Astley crushes and the mighty Susan Boyle.
First record you ever bought?
Rick Astley’s ‘Never Gonna Give You Up’. I thought he was really hot but then I was 14 and I’d never seen a man before. I still play it from time to time; it reminds me of school, having a Lady Di hairstyle, and thinking I was Madonna.
Last time you were chatted up?
I got chatted up last night after a gig, by a married man who told me his wife was a lesbian and allowed him to have girlfriends. ‘This sounds very romantic,’ I said and then ran off.
First film that moved you?
Bitter Moon by Roman Polanski. Looking back it’s not a great film, but I was intrigued and fascinated by it. It’s very sad and sadistic but in the beginning wonderful.
First thing you do when you’ve time off work?
Sleep without the alarm clock on.
Last great meal you cooked?
I cooked steamed salmon and steamed vegetables. That is as far as my cooking goes – using the steamer!
Last extravagant purchase?
I bought a gold and silver sequined bat-wing lame top from San Francisco to wear when I am performing with a couple of drag queens at a gay club. It cost me $500. That is a lot for me; I don’t usually go over a pound for clothes.
A boy called Lee Childs who I worked with in an ice-cream parlour when I was 18. He looked like John Lennon, and he used to call me his Yoko Ono. Then we’d sit down and stuff our faces with ice-cream at the end of the night.
Last book you read?
Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell.
First great piece of advice you were given?
Tell the truth and it will be funny and it will be you.
Last time you were star struck?
I saw Cilla Black the other night. I nearly wet my pants; that woman has been around all my life I got really excited, then I saw Christopher Biggins standing next to her.
First thing you’d do if you ran the country?
Let everyone park where they wanted.
Last meal on earth – what would it be?
Calamari and chips.
First time you realised you were famous?
The other night at one o’clock in the morning a group of teenage girls chased me down the street, and shouted, ‘Excuse me are you famous?’ I realised then that: 1) I must be famous for something even if people can’t put their finger on quite what it is 2) I am not famous enough.
Last time someone criticised your work?
Ten minutes ago. Everyone is a critic these days, criticism has lost it’s value; it’s so last year now.
First three words your friends would use to describe you?
Pain in arse.
First concert you ever went to?
I was a bit of a late comer to live music, I went to see UB40 live at Wembley. I was 29 years old. And Brian Travers, the sax player from the band, sent me two free tickets for the front row. It was amazing. They were amazing, and I had a great time but couldn’t dance to that rhythm.
Last time you bought flowers?
Two weeks ago to send them to someone I care about. They were spring colours – orange and blue.
First thing you think about when you wake up?
What do I need to write today? Who do I need to see? And will I have time to go to the gym?
Last thing you think about before you go to sleep?
All the things I worry about: love, life, money, success in the hope that they’ll all be there when I wake up.
Shazia Mirza’s tour starts in Inverness, Sun 21 Jun.