First Word: Miles Jupp
Best known as Archie the Inventor in Balamory, comedian Miles Jupp reminisces about student meals, his first crush and a formative teenage experience at the Smash Hits Poll Winners Party
First record you ever bought?
The first LP I bought was Tony Hancock’s ‘The Blood Donor’. The first piece of music was possibly Starship’s ‘Nothing’s Gonna Stop Us Now’. I think I bought that at a fête when I was about seven, I’m not sure why. I’ve never even seen Mannequin.
Last time you were chatted up?
Oh gosh, I don’t know. It does happen, though.
First thing you do when you’ve time off work?
Start a new box set. I’m on series four of The Wire at the moment. Everybody’s watching The Wire now, and rightly so.
Last great meal you cooked?
It was a mighty, mighty lasagne. I got the recipe from the Conran cookbook, and nearly ruined it, but somehow my wife saved it. I fed it to a friend from university who has refused to eat anything I’ve cooked for nearly a decade because when we were in first year I served him Tesco value pasta with melted Dairylea triangles on it. He said it was a great lasagne.
Last extravagant purchase?
I bought a car yesterday. It is a necessary extravagance, but an extravagance nonetheless.
Last book you read?
Spies by Michael Frayn
First great piece of advice you were given?
Not everyone will like you, and there’s nothing wrong with that.
Last time you were star struck?
I met Kenneth Branagh a while ago. I don’t know why I was so struck but I really was. After we had shaken hands I could literally think of nothing to say and made a series of gurgling noises and then walked away. Excruciating.
First thing you’d do if you ran the country?
I would ban hair gel.
Last meal on earth — what would it be?
It sounds like I’d probably be in a hurry, so if there was time I’d try and grab a quick sandwich.
Today it is ‘The Summerhouse’ by The Divine Comedy
First time you realised you were famous?
I was once stopped by Robin Harper, the Green MSP.
Last time someone criticised your work?
It was probably in a strand in a web forum. The internet, rather democratically, has made it possible for anyone to publish his or her thoughts about anything. Which is either completely brilliant or terrifying.
First three words your friends would use to describe you?
Miles is quite …
First concert you ever went to?
This is extraordinary, but when I was 11 my brother won tickets for the pair of us to go and see the Smash Hits Poll Winners Party. I knew nothing about music at all, and genuinely believed that all music concerts were terrifying events like Altamont. In fact the only violence was when Jim Bob and Fruitbat from Carter the Unstoppable Sex Machine drunkenly attacked Philip Schofield. It was back in the days when Mark Wahlberg was still just the rapper Marky Mark. I think one of the awards was handed out by Christian something from Neighbours – the one who came back as a ghost.
Last time you bought flowers?
This morning, sadly, for a bereavement.
First thing you think about when you wake up?
Is there anything I need to be doing right now?
Last thing you think about before you go to sleep?
Have I done enough today?
Miles Jupp appears on Sun 28 Jun at The Outsider Festival comedy tent in Rothiemurchus (www.outsider festival.co.uk) and at the Gilded Balloon during the Edinburgh Fringe in Telling it Like It Might Be.