Jade Goody's death wish
Jade Goody's first thought when she found out her cervical cancer was terminal was to end her life, and she begged doctors to help her kill herself
Jade Goody's first thought when she found out her cancer was terminal was to end her life.
The former 'Big Brother' star has since decided to fight her terminal illness to the last - but said her initial reaction when doctors revealed her cervical cancer would kill her was to "give up".
Jade – who could have only weeks to live - said: "I said to doctors, 'I just want to go now, just give me an injection or a tablet. Let me go and let my kids get on with their lives.'
"I'd rather them remember me as I was when I was well instead of watching me deteriorate in front of them. That would really upset me."
Jade – who has two sons, Bobby, five and Freddie, four with former boyfriend Jeff Brazier - also told how she is preparing to send them to live with their father as her cancer takes hold, but is determined to see them christened before she is too ill.
Jade, 27, said: "Doctors will tell me when it's right for me to say goodbye to them. Then they will be with their dad.
"It'll be so hard to do it, knowing I will never see them again. But I want them to see me before I get really poorly."
To prepare her boys for the news she will soon pass away, Jade is reading them a story, 'Badger's Parting Gifts' about a group of friends who mourn the passing of a wise old Badger.
In the story the badger leaves his friends a poignant note and they share their memories of him.
Jade added: "I have been reading that to them. But I think my boys know now that I'm dying. Yeah, I think they do now.
"I've just got one thing left to do – to see them christened."
Jade has set next Monday (02.03.09) as a preliminary date for the christening, which is expected to be a low-key affair.
Jade's spokesperson, Max Clifford, said: "Jade being Jade she's now determined to sort out the Christening – she wants it sooner rather than later. It's understandable, it is important for her to have something to focus on, to occupy herself."
Jade – who has to take strong painkillers every two hours to cope with the pain of her cancer – also revealed her wedding night on Sunday (22.02.09) with new husband Jack Tweed was presided over by a nurse, who made sure Jade was comfortable and had enough painkillers through the night. An ambulance was also on standby throughout the night.
The couple could potentially not have another night together- Jack, 21, is under curfew as part of a parole agreement, related to assault charges brought against him last year. He has to wear an electronic tag which monitors where he is at all times, but he is currently applying to the prison service to have it removed on compassionate grounds for the duration of Jade's life.
Jade has also confirmed she will do one last 'farewell' interview, with TV host Piers Morgan, next Wednesday (04.02.09).
Jade and Jack's wedding will be shown as a two-part special on TV channel Living. 'Jade: Bride to Be' will premiere on March 11 at 9.00pm and 'Jade's Wedding', showing the big day in full will be broadcast on March 12 at the same time.