David Baddiel: 'My head massager gives me a headache'

David Baddiel: 'My head massager gives me a headache'

The acclaimed comedian and writer takes on our First & Last Q&A

David Baddiel is off across the country shortly with his latest touring show, Trolls: Not the Dolls. But he squeezed in time to do our Q&A in which he discussed Jimmy Osmond, lying, and lying about Jimmy Osmond.

First record you ever bought
'Devil Woman' by Cliff Richard. I note another question is 'Last lie you told'. I never lie. Otherwise I would have done for that answer.

Last extravagant purchase you made
Hmm. I'm a very unextravagant person. I just bought a new fridge. Not sure you can have an extravagant fridge though.

First film you saw that really moved you
ET. I wept and wept and wept.

Last lie you told
I don't lie.

First movie you ever went on a date to
Never been on a date.

Last time you cried
Listening to an acoustic cover of 'I Believe in Father Christmas'. I cry easily.

First thing you do when you've got time off work
I'm always working.

Last great meal you cooked
I did a roast lamb yesterday and it was good, but felt bad about it as I'm trying to eat less meat.

First crush
Jimmy Osmond. Weird. Definitely should have lied about that.

Last book you read
Reckless Daughter, a biography of Joni Mitchell by David Yaffe.

First great piece of advice you were given
'Listen. Cliff isn't cool.'

Last time you were starstruck
I met Bowie once. A long time ago. I was, unusually, lost for words. And then he said 'Hello David'. Still one of the top moments of my life.

First thing you'd do if you ran the country
Step down from running the country. What a nightmare that would be.

Last meal on earth
A never-ending all you can eat buffet.

First time you realised you were famous
I did an interview with the now defunct FHM men's magazine and got relentlessly slagged off by the journalist. So, then.

Last time you exploited your position to get something
I occasionally tweet a corporate entity when things aren't going right between them and me. Last one I did that with was Ryanair. And possibly most of the other times

First three words your friends would use to describe you
'David David David'. By which I mean I am relentlessly me. I never change. It's so wearying.

Last time someone criticised your work
Well, with social media that last time would be now. Oh and again, now. Oh wait a minute, now.

First concert you ever attended
Hmm. Think it was Genesis at Knebworth in 1978.

Last time you made an impulse buy and regretted it
I bought a head massager that gives me a headache.

First object you'd save from your burning home
After humans and cats, any laptop that had recent work on it.

Last funny thing you saw online
After the Queen issued her statement about Harry and Meghan, I said 'I wish she'd added "don't @ me".' And someone wrote 'don't @ one.' Which made me laugh. I like that Twitter is sometimes like a comedy workshop.

First job
This is it. I've never had a proper job. Always been a comedian and writer.

Last person you fantasised about
Jimmy Osmond. OK, that is a lie.

First book you read for a second time
Ulysses. Didn't get any better.

Last song at your funeral
'Three Lions'.

First person you'd thank in an award acceptance speech
Jimmy O…OK, not funny anymore.

Last thing you think of before you go to sleep
Why am I still awake? (ps. I'm an insomniac).

First thing you think of when you wake up in the morning
What a shit night.

David Baddiel: Trolls – Not the Dolls is on tour from Friday 24 January–Wednesday 6 May.

Whilst every effort has been made to ensure the information displayed here is accurate, always check with the venue before attending (especially during the Covid-19 pandemic).

David Baddiel: Trolls – Not the Dolls

One-man show from David Baddiel about his interactions with internet trolls.

Alban Arena, St Albans

Mon 20 Sep

£30.24 / 01727 844488

Babbacombe Theatre, Torquay

Fri 17 Sep

£30.24 / 01803 328385

The Bloomsbury Theatre, London WC1H

Mon 11 Oct

£30.24 / 020 3108 1000

Tue 12 Oct

£30.24 / 020 3108 1000

Wed 13 Oct

£30.24 / 020 3108 1000

Fri 15 Oct

£30.24 / 020 3108 1000

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…and at 7 other places

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