Comedians roast Glasgow
- Brian Donaldson
- 12 March 2019
Glasgow Comedy Festival guests take a loving swipe at their host city
The test of a solid, confident institution is if it can laugh at itself. As Glasgow opens its doors wide to welcome a host of comedians, we ask five Scottish stand-ups to tear the city a new one in the comedy roast style.
I'm not saying Glasgow is violent but Taggart was actually a documentary. Glasgow is a city of culture; and by that I mean most of the women have a yeast infection. Glaswegians drink so much the second most common blood type is vodka.
Mark Nelson: Brexit Wounds, The Stand, Thu 14 & Fri 15 Mar.
Welcome to Glasgow: the place that proves arsonists hate art. Glaswegians were clever about building a cinema as one of their tallest buildings. The only time Glaswegians will climb stairs is when they are guaranteed a seat for two hours.
Natalie Sweeney is part of 3 Men and a Tall Lady, Iron Horse Pub, Sat 23 Mar.
I grew up in Glasgow, and I've spent about 97% of my life living here, so it's hard to have any degree of civic pride when almost everything bad that's ever happened to me took place in this dear green place. 'People Make Glasgow'! Aye, people make Glasgow unbearable. Tell 'People Make Glasgow' to the junkie who abducted me on the day of my high-school ball. Though, to be fair, the transport links are dyno and there's some good places to eat.
Christopher Macarthur-Boyd: work-in-progress, The State Bar, Sat 23 Mar; Home Sweet Home, The Stand, Sat 30 Mar.
Only in Glasgow do people say 'only in Glasgow'.
Bruce Morton, Jim Monaghan and the GSR Comedy Night, The Rum Shack, Thu 28 Mar.
We would have a yellow vest revolution but it'd be hard to tell the difference between protesters and the weird guys that wear high vis from home and pretend to run the taxi rank queue. Even though nobody's hired them. They say Glasgow is a melting pot, but unless the melting point of humans is two degrees Celsius, they're talking shite.
Ashley Storrie: Hysterical, The Stand, Fri 22 Mar.